Writing in the Deep End
Where fear and desire collide
The writer facing the blank page has her toes curled around the edge of a high board.”
I have always loved swimming. Maybe it’s because I’m a Pisces, or maybe because I was tossed in before I could walk, but there is very little I enjoy as much as moving my body through water.
And I’ve always had a fear of The Deep.
Usually I can block out the fear as I tread, or stroke, or float. But sometimes, sometimes, the thought of how far down the bottom is, how much space is between my feet and solid ground, causes my stomach to clench and a hint of nausea to rise, radiating the heat of fear through my limbs, and my body will tense, and I will kick, and kick, and kick until I’m closer to safety.
Then I’ll swim out again.
When I was a kid, I was actively afraid of the drain at the bottom of the deep end of the pool. What could - what would - burst out of there and eat us all feet first? And yet leaping off of the diving board was one of my favorite activities in the entire world.
I think this same cognitive dissonance exists within us when it comes to writing.
Obviously we love it, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We feel compelled to do it. When the words are flowing, there is nothing better.
And yet.
There is something unseen that causes us fear. Sometimes we can name it - rejection, embarrassment, failure - and sometimes we can’t. But when we feel it, we kick away, away, away, until the fear recedes and we climb on the diving board again because we remember what the writing - the story, the process, the reader - means to us.
It’s all okay.
In Case You’re Skimming…
Writing is hard, and can be scary, and sometimes we have to step back. Then we remember the joy the doing of it can bring us, and start again.
Have a beautiful week!
Warmly,
Stephanie
P.S. Love this email? Please send it to a friend!
P.P.S. I’ll be here when you’re ready.
I’m trying something new this week. Below is a writing tip, prompt, or exercise to try this week connected to the story above. It’s a gift to those who support this newsletter with a paid subscription. Enjoy!